Bend Over

There's something so unpleasant about bending over in public. One way or another you are showing everyone your ass, you look funny, and if you're down there long enough your face will be red when you stand up. Today I was out making copies when I dropped some papers. There I was ass to the sky for everyone to admire. During my time down there, I began to wonder, is there a polite way to this? A nicer way? Bent over is probably not the time to be thinking of this but hey, such is life.

So, I decided to explore the different ways we men bend. I think there are 2 categories: (1) Straight Legged or (2) Bent Knee.

Straight Legged
I think this is ideal for a quick pick-up. (Yes I am walking around my apartment trying this all out). If you drop one thing and you know you will get it in one try, then it's fine. Sometimes your leg will slip back and go up, like a gentleman ballerino. This is fine, but don't kick anything. You don't need a straight leg back knocking over tables.

Do not stay down for a long time with straight legs...unless of course you are chasing more than what you dropped on the floor. Straight legs are the quickest bends to get sexual, so play your cards wisely.

Bent Knee
The birthplace of the plumber crack. Bending down with bent knees is preferred if you know you will be spending a lot of time down there. But this also requires you to have your underwear pulled up and pants that fit. Otherwise you will be showing everyone else something that they have no desire to see. So bend at the knees for anything more than one single simple item.
Knees together or wide apart? The wider the legs the more you look like a market woman. So try not to stand with them too broadly.

Now go pick up stuff with a subtle proposition and a bare behind...wait I mean the opposite.

-The Young Gentleman